I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
