I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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