i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
