no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
