I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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