i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
