We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
