Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
