so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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