is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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