i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
