you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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