i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
