At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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