Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Randomize
