There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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