You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
