Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
