We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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