Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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