My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
