Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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