my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
birth control should be required to get into college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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