dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
