Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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