Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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