4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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