cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
