Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
