i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
