id be glad to
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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