I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
