Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize