I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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