That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
