So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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