Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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