ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
