this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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