so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
