One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
