Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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