First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
