took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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