You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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