my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
