So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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