So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
