I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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