After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
