yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize