I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
