It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You smell like stripper and shame
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Your cock deserves a montage
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
