Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
