sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
