Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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