I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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