i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
