Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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