the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
