would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Holy shit dude........stairs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
