dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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