I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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