a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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