Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
