Swine flu is the new snow day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
