I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Even my vagina gasped.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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