I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
