you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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