we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
