hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
