Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
