and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
