Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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