all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
