it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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