I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
