I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
