You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
