I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
