mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
