i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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