i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
