I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
