I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
