Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
