whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
