Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
