what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My vagina is very pro this idea
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
