good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
