We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
