I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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