so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
