she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
