The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
