I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize