yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
