he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
