I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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