6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
