Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
