do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
