I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
