I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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