That's intense
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
