**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have fence marks all over my body
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
