i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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