you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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