I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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