What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
