Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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