he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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